Mistress in the Mix? Keep Your Cool with These Proven Tips
Feeling devastated after finding out about your partner's mistress is a feeling that can be compared to a scene from the movie "Lock, Stock and Two Smoking Barrels". The main character lost all his money and stood up from the table, feeling dizzy, detached, with ringing in the ears, pain in the chest, and the urge to visit the bathroom. It's an awful feeling, and I sympathize with anyone who has experienced it.
So, you've just found out about your partner's mistress, and now you're left wondering what your next move should be. You essentially have two options: lash out in anger or try to save your relationship and keep your family together. If you're leaning towards the latter, I have a helpful strategy that you can consider.
The strategy I suggest:
Instead of suffering, channel your emotions into anger. You've invested years of your life in him, helped him become the person he is today, and now some other woman comes in and takes it all away. That's unacceptable!
You don't have to suffer in silence. It's time to break the pattern and take control of the situation. If your partner knows that you know about the affair, he has probably imagined what you'll do next. Instead of reacting predictably, surprise him by doing something different. For example, instead of yelling and crying, calmly ask him what led him to cheat. This will throw him off guard, and he'll have to think on his feet. It'll also make it harder for him to lie, and he'll begin to see you in a different light.
It's also important to distance yourself emotionally. Don't kick him out of the house yet, but move him to the couch. Stop having sex, and don't engage in your usual shared activities. However, don't walk around with a mournful face either.
Take control of your emotions, and show him you're strong. Smile, sing, dance, and take care of yourself. This is not the time for tears. You need to take charge of your life, and forget that he's even there. Remember, you invested time and effort in this relationship, and it's not fair that someone else should take it all away. But you can still come out on top. Use this time to rediscover yourself and your passions. The road ahead may be difficult, but with the right mindset, you can overcome this challenge and emerge stronger than ever.
Believe me, he will spend all his days in two states: in shock that his wife is not who he thought she was, and wondering what the hell is happening with her. And he will be thinking about YOU while doing so.
What should you tell him? Let him make his decision on who he wants to be with. Until the mistress disappears, you won't be his wife. Be clear about your boundaries, and stick to them. Avoid emotional outbursts because in a war, that can lead to defeat.
Talk to someone. Having a friend, sister, or mother who can listen to and empathize with you is essential. Don't hold your feelings inside. Express yourself until you feel better.
Ladies, I understand that this is an excruciatingly painful experience. It can be difficult to cope and move forward. Don't be afraid to seek professional help from a psychotherapist. Don't delay getting the support you need to heal and find ways to manage your emotions during this difficult time.